Author Archive

When I first heard that Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin were going through a “Conscious Uncoupling” I felt annoyed. My initial reaction was, can’t they just separate like everyone else; does it really have to be a vegan-induced, higher conscious uncoupling? Then I had to pause and have an “honest conversation” with myself.

I must admit that I have held a completely ungrounded prejudice against Gwyneth. Possibly it is my perception that she is completely different than me, and there would never be any common ground between us. She appears so earnest about her choices, and something about her made me highly aware of my own imperfections. Yes, I am far more comfortable with messy imperfection, and Gwyneth’s life (or hair) had just not appeared to have been messy enough for me to become a fan. Now I know this is a silly, self-involved perception, and it is unfair for me to hold any judgement against her as I do not know her. But then there is still the fact that she named her child after a fruit, and that one is a bit harder to get past.

So, once I check my own judgments and let go of my initial reaction, what do I really think about this “unconscious uncoupling”? As a Therapist who is a specialist in Divorce and Separation issues, this level of consciousness is actually what I have been attempting to guide separating couples towards for years.

Well if you opened this, you may be well on your way to living an exceptional life.  Curiosity is a gift of the human mind, and it supplies endless entertainment for us.  When my children were young, on occasion they would come to me and say “Mommy I am bored.” I never rushed into entertaining them; rather I would say “That is awesome – now you can go and just relax in your room and be curious about life, and think new and exciting thoughts”.  Well, not only did that quickly halt any annoying requests to entertain, it also sent a strong message that they were responsible for their own level of engagement in life.  Their curiosity belonged to them and would always lead them out of a bored or restless state.  I believe this to be true for all of us.

Without a good dose of curiosity, there is no creativity and innovation.  Our mind is programmed to respond to new stimuli and, like a child in a playground; the mind relishes all the different opportunities to play with new thoughts and possibilities. My book “M.O.R.E.” is designed to as a guidebook to exceptional living and Step #13 “Stay Curious” is an important step in living a fulfilled life. When we become curious we gather new information, and then we begin to weave the information together.  This is when original thought emerges.  It is not just the information we have gathered, but also our own unique perspective on this information that creates something new and fresh.

Anxiety is the number one mental health concern with children these days.  Our children are growing up in a highly anxious world, surrounded by a massive amount of stimulation and information that is often too much to process.  Parents are also highly anxious these days and are passing this onto their children. So how do we turn this around?  The MORE Philosophy from “M.O.R.E.  A New Philosophy for Exceptional Living” can be applied to assisting ourselves and our children with managing anxiety.  First of all we need to use some common sense and pay attention to what is really important in the growth and development of our children.  Here are some practical and important tips to assist you with grounding your children in this anxious world.

First of all, let’s get this out of the way immediately:  Money is not bad, nor is it at the root of all evil.  Money is simply a medium that is exchanged for goods and services and measures the current market value of those goods and services.  It is fear and greed that is at the root of all evil: the MORE philosophy is directed at moving you away from fear and into experiencing your life in a substantial and satisfying manner.

So, how do you get MORE out of your money?  Remember, this is not just about more money but rather getting a substantial and satisfying experience out of your money.

In a recent counselling session, I was struck once again by how much perfectionism limits our potential.  My client was a successful and accomplished woman who seemed to have it all in life but was not enjoying anything about her life.  She could only list her shortcomings and was focused on how her “failures” left her feeling unsatisfied.  There was nothing on the outside of her life that indicated she felt inadequate but when it came to the inside she was plagued with insecurity.  This woman felt that she was not good enough and that, if people really knew her, they would be disappointed.

This was a story I had heard many times before.  Perfectionists may look successful but they are often hiding the deep dark secret that they feel like an imposter in their own lives.  This is the skewed perception of the perfectionist.  Somehow they have to be perfect to be accepted and, since it is impossible to be perfect, they cannot accept themselves.  It is much like anorexia, as an anorexic has a skewed perception of their size and appearance.  We know that most anorexics are struggling with perfectionism.  Although not all perfectionists have physical anorexia, they may experience feelings of psychological anorexia where their self-perceptions are skewed and not based in reality.  Psychological anorexia inhibits one from being able to enjoy the pleasures and sustenance that come from a satisfying experience.