An Honest Conversation About Conscious Uncoupling

Posted on by Alyson Jones. Posted in Honest Conversations.

When I first heard that Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin were going through a “Conscious Uncoupling” I felt annoyed. My initial reaction was, can’t they just separate like everyone else; does it really have to be a vegan-induced, higher conscious uncoupling? Then I had to pause and have an “honest conversation” with myself.

I must admit that I have held a completely ungrounded prejudice against Gwyneth. Possibly it is my perception that she is completely different than me, and there would never be any common ground between us. She appears so earnest about her choices, and something about her made me highly aware of my own imperfections. Yes, I am far more comfortable with messy imperfection, and Gwyneth’s life (or hair) had just not appeared to have been messy enough for me to become a fan. Now I know this is a silly, self-involved perception, and it is unfair for me to hold any judgement against her as I do not know her. But then there is still the fact that she named her child after a fruit, and that one is a bit harder to get past.

So, once I check my own judgments and let go of my initial reaction, what do I really think about this “unconscious uncoupling”? As a Therapist who is a specialist in Divorce and Separation issues, this level of consciousness is actually what I have been attempting to guide separating couples towards for years.

It is time for separating couples, and in particular parents, to be grown up and conscious during the separation process. There are better ways to divorce, and I have spent a great deal of my professional career encouraging a better route for family transitions. Although divorce is a very difficult time for any family it does not have to be riddled with conflict and emotional debris, but rather the uncoupling and unwinding of a relationship can be done in a conscious manner. The children are the most vulnerable people when their parents relationship is changing, and I am grateful for the word conscious being introduced to this process.

So as much as I hate to own up to my own judgements (and I may still be stuck on the fruit name), I hope that by sharing their vision of a better path Gwyneth and Chris can inspire a few people along the way. I wish them luck in their “Conscious Uncoupling” and truly hope this one does not get messy for the children involved. Possibly they will be able to raise things to a higher level, and this is something I can get behind. Anybody who truly puts their children’s best interests at the front of the divorce process is somebody worth cheering on, and maybe I will become a fan after all.